Bold predictions for The Situation’s comic

Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino of MTV’s The Jersey Shore will headline his own comic book.

In case you haven’t heard, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino of Jersey Shore fame is getting his own comic book. We don’t have many details, but here’s what we know: The comic will hit shelves in early August, and the cover will look like this. That’s enough information to inspire some bold predictions from the PPC team.

Origin story: A young man named Michael Sorrentino is resting in a tanning bed when an eruption at Jersey’s Salem Nuclear Power Plant causes the roof of the salon to cave in, trapping Sorrentino inside. Instead of burning Sorrentino to a crisp after the recommended 20-minute tan time elapses, the UVA rays combine with the nuclear emissions and Sorrentino’s hair gel to turn him into The Situation, a wise-cracking Italian with trademark abs, an uncanny ability to land a one-night stand and an innate talent for lying in almost every situation. Because the hair gel only trickles down to the top half of his body, The Situation has a ripped torso, but comical chicken legs.

(more…)

Stick to the risotto, chef

On June 4, Hell’s Kitchen Season 10 and MasterChef Season 3 will premier on FOX. If you’re wondering why celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay isn’t out and about promoting his two shows, watch the above video and wonder no longer.

Ramsay was an aspiring soccer pro before a knee injury ended his athletic career and sent him into kitchens and living rooms worldwide. Clearly, he honed his culinary muscles at the expense of his actual muscles, because he got flat-out mauled by Teddy Sheringham at the recent Soccer Aid charity match in Manchester, England. Ramsay had to be carted off the field on a stretcher and was briefly hospitalized. For his sake, hopefully none of the hospital caregivers were former Hell’s Kitchen contenders.

(more…)

Game of Thrones Power Rankings: Blackwater

Welcome to Punching Pete Campbell’s fifth edition of the Game of Thrones Power Rankings. Before proceeding, be sure to review last week’s rankings to track the movement. We’ve got a new No. 1 after Sunday’s epic Battle of the Blackwater, which shook up our rankings almost as much as it shook up the clash of kings in Westeros.

Three major factors go into our rankings: 1) overall likability/how much we want the character to die, 2) developments from the most recent episode and 3) how much actual power the characters currently hold in the show. And of course, there’s our own subjectivity, which we won’t hide.

One last very important order of business: SPOILER ALERT: The following entries contain information from the most recent episode of Game of Thrones: “Blackwater” (Season 2, Episode 9).

(more…)

Game of Thrones street art: Tyrion straight (p)impin

Tyrion Lannister graffiti

A buddy emailed this to me and I had to share with the PPC faithful. I don’t have much info on it, other than it’s a corner in Bloomsberry, a neighborhood on the north side of London that often has badass murals. Oh, and MR once lived less than five blocks away. Who’d a thunk it?

Tip of the flat brim to @shizazaraz

Throwdown: Does ‘The Avengers’ warrant the money and hype?

Joss Whedon’s The Avengers shattered records by grossing $207 million on opening weekend.

Three straight weekends of domination. Not only did director Joss Whedon’s The Avengers obliterate opening-weekend box office records by grossing a ridiculous $207 million, it held strong in the second weekend by shattering another record with $103.2 million, then topped the charts for a third consecutive weekend. For perspective: James Cameron’s Avatar previously held the record after grossing $75.6 million on the second weekend.

But money can’t buy everything (or so they tell us), so what’s the real scoop with the latest Marvel blockbuster? Is it a true cinematic achievement, or are we all just that lame?

This week’s Throwdown: What’s the word on The Avengers, badass and worthy of the records or way over-hyped?

(more…)

The many faces of Nick Offerman

We’re all familiar with the Ron Swanson Pyramid of Greatness, which tells us B.O. is a virtue, crying is only acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon and deer protein is on par with romantic love. Due to the ever-evolving physical appearance of Nick Offerman, the actor and comedian who plays Swanson on NBC’s awesome Parks and Recreation, we now need the Nick Offerman Pyramid of Facial Greatness. How else are we supposed to process all the dye-jobs, cornrows and risqué poses?

To help you stay current, here’s a rundown of five of Offerman’s most striking looks. Vote for your favorite below.

Classic Ron: Plastic hair, epic mustache, basking in the glow of bacon and eggs.

(more…)

Trailer Takes: ‘Anchorman 2,’ ‘Men in Black III,’ ‘Piranha 3DD’

Ron Burgundy and the Channel 4 Action News Team will return to the big screen in 2013.

It’s Wednesday, which means two things: 1) it’s more than halfway to the weekend and 2) the Wafels & Dinges truck should be stationed outside of my office. Unfortunately, the latter is not happening, which — much to my dismay — means that I’m without any delectable combination of waffles, ice cream, maple syrup and bacon. This also means I’m sad.

However, to remedy the situation, I’ve decided to release the second edition of Trailer Takes, a series of wholly unnecessary reviews of the latest movie trailers. They’re short, they’re sweet and they’ll (hopefully) take my mind off tasty treats like this, this and this.

Full disclosure: I’ve neglected to see any movies in theaters since the last edition of Trailer Takes. But as the inimitable Selina Meyer explains on Veep, “[Paying to see a movie] is like trying to use a croissant as a fucking dildo. It doesn’t do the job — and it makes a fucking mess.” (I realize that makes no sense. But that analogy should be applied to literally every situation.)

On to the trailers.

(more…)

Game of Thrones Power Rankings: The Prince of Winterfell

Welcome to Punching Pete Campbell’s fourth edition of the Game of Thrones Power Rankings. Before proceeding, be sure to review last week’s rankings to track the movement. This week’s satisfying episode was all about building to the season’s conclusion, and fear was the pervasive theme as the characters moved toward war.

Three major factors go into our rankings: 1) overall likability/how much we want the character to die, 2) developments from the most recent episode and 3) how much actual power the characters currently hold in the show. And of course, there’s our own subjectivity, which we won’t hide.

One last very important order of business: SPOILER ALERT: The following entries contain information from the most recent episode of Game of Thrones: “The Prince of Winterfell” (Season 2, Episode 8).

(more…)

‘Skyfall’ trailer: New Bond movie features explosions, car chases and… shaving fetish?

*****

Let’s get it out right up front: I dig the Daniel Craig Bond. Casino Royale was a little flawed in its core premise — really James, beating a dude at hold ’em was the best solution you could come up with? — but the first blonde-haired, blue-eyed Bond has been solid in his roles even if the stories are less than spectacular. The latest Bond flick, Skyfall, set to release November 9, 2012, features Craig (probably) saving the world he knows. According to the official site, “Bond’s loyalty to M is tested as her past comes back to haunt her. As MI6 comes under attack, 007 must track down and destroy the threat, no matter how personal the cost.”

Oh baby, you can expect Stewie Griffin’s words to come true here: “You know, some friends become enemies some enemies become friends.” Oh, add Javier Bardem to the cast and it seems like director Sam Mendes can’t miss.

The trailer doesn’t give us much further insight into the plot, but it features some key nuggets: Here are five takeaways:

(more…)

Behold: The greatest music critics of all-time

I’m fairly confident that I’ve just discovered the greatest music critics in the world. No, really. Music theory has just been elevated to an unprecedented high, and, amazingly, it’s not the work of Rolling Stone, SPIN, Pitchfork or any other well-reputed music journalist.

In fact, it’s the work eight-year-old children. And they freaking rule.

After watching the above video, I am now determined to replicate the sequence from 0:44-0:54 in every conceivable situation. I’m also positive that I want these kids (and the blonde-haired girl, in particular) to dictate my opinion on everything. That includes sports, religion, politics and the meaning of life.

Click after the jump to watch two more videos of these little geniuses analyzing Azealia Banks’ “212” and Skrillex’s “Bangarang”. And have your mind blown. (more…)